by Nix
(crimsonquills AT gmail DOT com)

Author's Notes: I've only seen the movie once at this point, so please forgive any minor dialogue or continuity errors.

For kaly, of course. You just had to drag me into this, didn't you? *grins* You just had to suggest a plot and say "GO!" and there was Alan, babbling away in my head... And you know, this time the header really is longer than the fic. By 1 line. *shakes head at self*

You'd think that I, of all people, would understand that nothing in life is to be taken for granted. My experiences in Hammond's Jurassic Park taught me a lot.

Evidently not enough.

Eric is only 14 years old and he's learned more from life than I have. The young have such flexible minds. "You should tell her" he says.

He's almost right. Better to say I should have told him. Billy.

How could I have said something so hurtful to him when I knew that the odds were against both of us - hell, any of us - making it off this island alive? Over and over I've told myself I had time. I didn't have to rush things. Billy was just pushing because he was impatient.

How could I let me last words to him be so cruel? Billy only wanted to reach out and touch his dreams. He wasn't afraid to live. Or afraid to die.

I think the wondering will haunt me for the rest of my life. Would he have launched himself off that cliff so quickly if he hadn't been trying to prove himself to me? Would he have made it if I hadn't left him to the pterodactyls? Did he believe I hated him? Does he hate me for abandoning him?

It's my fault he's gone. I dragged him along on this damned suicide trip. I pushed him away. I'm guilty of that.

I've learned something here, too.

When your dream passes right in front of you, don't be afraid to reach out and take it.