The Letter

by Nix
(crimsonquills AT gmail DOT com)

Author's Notes: This story features what is most likely the longest sex scene I've ever written. I think I subconsciously felt the need to make up for that PG fic I wrote. -smile- I also think it's the best sex scene I've ever written - you be the judge. And let me know what you think - feedback is craved!

Mac finished his business in the Agency washroom and zipped up. Turning around to wash his hands, he noticed a slip of white paper on the floor of one of the bathroom stalls. Curious, he walked over and picked it up, discovering that it was not a slip of paper, but a whole sheet of paper folded into quarters. Just then the door creaked to let another man into the washroom. Mac stuffed the piece of paper into one of his pockets and left.

Later that day, Mac collapsed on his couch with a heartfelt sigh. It had been a paperwork day at the Agency, cleaning up the loose ends left by their last few cases. The thought of paperwork reminded Mac of a more interesting piece of paper, still safely tucked into one of his pockets. Mac unfolded the paper carefully and found himself hoping it was something more than a grocery list or flyer. It turned out to be a letter and, to his surprise, it was addressed to him.

//I wonder if I was meant to find this,// he mused. The first lines of the letter disabused him of that notion.


it read,

--I know you'll never read this, but it helps me just to write it.

Have you ever known the pain of unrequited love? When I look at you and see how attractive you are, when I'm around you and feel your charm working on me, I find it hard to believe you have. How could anyone not fall in love with you?

I did.

I joke with you and I insult you, but it's all a mask to hide the love. The desire. Sometimes, I marvel that it isn't obvious to everyone who looks at me.

Every night the loneliness creeps in on me, and I escape it only into restless dreams full of regrets. None of the lovers I've had since coming to the Agency, though there have been few, have been able to sooth those dreams. But when I remember our moments throughout the day, I find I rest a little easier. This is why I can't tell you how I feel. I can't risk losing those moments.

I live and I love, and you'll never know.


Just below the word "love" there was an ink mark, as if the author of the letter had begun to sign it, and then had thought better of the action. Mac lay back on the couch, eyes skimming over the letter again. It wasn't poetry, but the emotion was heartfelt and the tone sincere. . .it was a love letter. For him.

For just a moment, Mac let himself hope that the letter writer was his own secret love. He shook his head, refusing to be seduced by the idea. //Hoping will only get me hurt,// he told himself sternly. He knew one thing for certain, though. Li Ann didn't write it. Despite the fact that the washroom was co-ed, he knew her handwriting very well. //Maybe she can help me figure out who wrote this,// he thought.

Sitting up, he reached for the phone and punch in Li Ann's number. "Hey, Li Ann! I know it's a little short notice, but would you like to go out for dinner? No, I'm not trying to show Vic up!" he sighed. "I just need your advice on something. No, I won't tell you what - just meet me, okay?"


Mac looked up from the letter to see Li Ann approaching the table he'd been seated at. "If you're springing for authentic Chinese," she commented, smiling, "this must be important."

Mac folded up the letter again and put it discreetly under his bread plate. He didn't feel quite ready to show it to her yet. //Or maybe you're a little afraid,// he said to himself. //If the person you want to have written that letter wrote it, she'll be able to tell you.// Li Ann's curious glances grew more concerned as they worked through dinner with Mac curiously silent.

"Okay, spill it," she demanded as he pushed his entr‚e away. "Is there something wrong? You're acting entirely too serious."

"No," Mac said slowly. "I found this on the bathroom floor in the Agency." He reluctantly turned the note over to his partner and watched as she read it. As she opened it, her expression was of mild surprise. As she read on, her surprise began to look more like shock.

"Mac," she said slowly, lifting her eyes from the letter. "Victor wrote this."

"You're sure?" he asked anxiously.

"Absolutely. Believe me, Mac, I know the handwriting of the man I was going to marry..." she trailed off, glancing at the letter she still held. Handing it back to Mac, she commented, "Or maybe I don't know him that well after all." At her confirmation, Mac let out a sigh of relief and couldn't suppress the grin that broke out onto his face. Li Ann looked at him suspiciously, but waited until after the waiter had delivered their desserts before saying anything. "Mac," she said, with a warning tone, "you can't tease Vic about this. This is serious...why are you laughing?!" she finished indignantly.

Mac gestured with his spoon for a moment before calming his laughter enough to answer. "I'm not going to tease him about this, Li Ann," he insisted. "That's not why I was smiling."

"So why were you smiling?"

Shrugging, Mac fought down a blush. He met Li Ann's eyes and said, with a half grin, "I was smiling because I was relieved. Happy."

Li Ann took this in without blinking, so he gave her a moment to process what he'd just said, and what it meant. After a moment, the dawning realization on her face told him she'd figured it out. "Are you telling me that Vic's unrequited love isn't so unrequited after all?"

"That's what I'm telling you. Now I just have to figure out how to tell Vic." A silent moment passed between the two as each thought over what they'd learned. "Li Ann?"

"Yeah, Mac?"

"Why're you so surprised?" Mac asked, genuinely curious. Like Vic, he hadn't thought he'd hidden his feelings very well either. He certainly didn't expect that his former lover wouldn't see the signs.

"It's not that he's a guy," Li Ann began. "I mean, I've known both of you were bi for as long as I've known you. It was never a secret, even if neither of you saw many guys. In fact, I don't recall seeing Vic with anyone. I guess I'm surprised that it's the two of you," she shook her head in amazement. "It's argue with and tease Vic more than anyone else I've seen you with..."

"Yeah," Mac agreed, grinning a little, "but have you ever seen me have more fun with anyone else?" He shrugged. "I like being around Vic."

"Yeah, but love?" Li Ann asked. "I never pictured you as the settling down type, that's all."

Mac let out a breath of exasperation. "Didn't you figure that out after the whole thing with Claire?" he asked. "Just because I enjoy life, doesn't mean I have to jump from one fling to the next. I may have had a hard time telling you I loved you at first, but I was ready to give up everything so that we could have a better life. Together. I wanted to marry Claire. I've always wanted to have someone special...I just didn't think I could have the person I really wanted."

"Vic?" Li Ann asked, though she knew the answer.

"Yeah," he answered.

"You really love him?" she asked, yet again.

"Yeah, I do," he said firmly.

"You're right," she said.


"You're right," she repeated. "You have to find a way to tell Vic."


Vic pushed his way into his apartment, cursing the piece of paper he'd only just discovered was missing. There was no telling where he'd lost it or who might find it. If that person recognized his handwriting... //Thank God I didn't sign it,// Vic thought to himself. Struggling to put the missing letter out of his mind, Vic moved to the kitchen to make himself something to eat for dinner.

Glancing around, he noticed a plain white envelope lying on top of the kitchen counter. It had his name written on the front, and was unsealed. Picking it up, Vic opened it and found two pieces of paper inside. One of them was folded into quarters. Opening the quartered paper, Vic discovered that it was his own letter. His first reaction was relief. Then he realized what it meant. Whoever had found the letter knew that he had written it. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Vic unfolded the second sheet of paper. Written on it was a single sentence.

--The pain of unrequited love is worth the joy of discovering it isn't unrequited after all.--

Just then a slight noise disturbed him. Startled, Vic looked up sharply to see Mac standing in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning against the frame.

"Mac?" he said, questioningly.

"Yeah?" Mac replied, moving out from the doorway to stand next to Vic in the kitchen.

"What is this?" Vic asked, raising the note. His throat was tight, his mouth dry, and he dared to hope that the note might truly mean what it seemed to.

Instead of answering, Mac stepped close and captured Vic's lips with his own. For a single, terrifying moment, there was no response. Then Vic's lips came alive against his, and hesitant hands came to rest on his hips. Vic's lips opened under the gentle pressure of Mac's mouth, and the kiss deepened and grew more passionate. Faintly, Vic felt his partner's hand come up to rest on the back of his neck. When they finally parted, both men were breathing heavily.

"It means I love you, too," Mac murmured, answering the question Vic had all but forgotten he'd asked.

Vic looked into Mac's eyes, looking for some sign his partner was joking with him. When he found sincerity instead, his face broke out in a smile. "You were right," he said, and kissed Mac again. "It is worth it." Taking his partner's hand, Mac smiled mischievously and led him into his own bedroom. There, Vic found at least two dozen red roses scattered around the room. "I thought you gave white roses," Vic said.

"I gave white roses to Li Ann," Mac replied, "and in the end, she was truly only my friend. Red roses are for you." As he spoke, Mac was intently unbuttoning Vic's shirt, letting his fingers play lightly over the skin as it was revealed. He kissed Vic again as he undid the last button and slipped the shirt off the other man's shoulders. They broke the kiss so that Vic, seizing the bottom of Mac's tee shirt, could pull it over his head.

Mac slid his hands from Vic's sides up his back and pulled him in close so that Mac could nibble at his partner's neck. Vic sighed and enjoyed the caress for a moment before his determination to feel Mac's skin against his own had him intently stripping the rest of his partner's clothes away. Not to be outdone, Mac soon had Vic down to skin and was pulling him down onto the bed.

Flashes of pleasure skittered across Vic's nerves as he felt Mac's skin sliding against his. He found himself on his back, Mac straddling his hips, the younger man's hands clasping his and holding them above his head. Vic's eyes were locked with Mac's, wide with desire, but he could feel his partner's cock rubbing against his stomach and his own sliding against Mac's ass. He moaned as Mac bore down harder on him.

Mac released Vic's hands and slid down his body a bit so that he could reach his partner's nipple with his mouth. Biting a little, he elicited a gasp and then another moan as he laved the bud with his tongue. Please with Vic's reaction, Mac continued making his way down his lover's body, nipping with his teeth, tasting with his tongue and caressing with his hands. By the time he reached Vic's cock it was dripping with precum and Vic himself was trembling with desire, Mac's name following pleasured exclamations from his mouth.

The ex-thief contemplated teasing his lover some more, but his own need to taste Vic completely over came the idea. Leaning down, he took as much of Vic's cock in his mouth as he could, relishing the over man's cry of surprise and delight. Hands came to cradle Mac's head, but Vic didn't try to force the rhythm he set. Soon Vic tensed and came explosively, calling out Mac's name as the other man cheerfully swallowed his seed.

Mac hesitated to make his next request of Vic, but the older man looked so handsome sprawled naked on the bed, a smile of sleepy satisfaction on his lips, that he couldn't resist. His cock throbbed then, reminding him of the other reason he couldn't resist. Placing his lips gently against Vic's ear, Mac asked, "Let me make love to you?"

Vic opened his eyes then, and Mac caught his breath at the love shining out from the jade green depths. "Yes," the ex-cop said simply. Mac smiled and kissed Vic deeply before reaching over to the bedside table where he had hopefully placed the lube earlier.

Mac squeezed some of the jelly onto his fingers and then thought to ask, "Have you done this before?" Vic shook his head silently. "I'll be gentle," Mac promised, feeling honored that Vic trusted him with this.

"I know," was all Vic said, and rolled over onto his stomach. Mac kissed the small of his back as he parted Vic's cheeks and smoothed the lube over the tight opening before carefully sliding one finger inside. Vic sighed and bent one knee to make access easier for Mac, but showed no signs of discomfort. He was tight, Mac found, slipping another finger in and gently scissoring the two, but surprisingly relaxed. When Mac felt Vic was loose enough, he added more lube to his fingers and inserted a third. Now Vic shifted uncomfortably, but made no sound. Mac tenderly moved his fingers, waiting until Vic was relaxed and moaning with pleasure before reaching for the prostate.

As his finger brushed gently against it, Vic cried out, "Oh God! Oh, God, yes..." and pushed back against Mac's fingers. Trembling with the effort of having restrained himself for so long, Mac quickly rolled a condom onto his cock and smeared a generous amount of lube over it.

He moved up to whisper in Vic's ear, "Are you ready?" Vic just moaned and nodded. Mac removed his fingers and began pushing his cock into Vic's tight, hot passage. When the head moved past the ring of muscle Vic tensed, but Mac caressed his sides gently and waiting for him to relax. Slowly, he pushed his way all the way in, until his groin rested firmly against Vic's ass. He waited until Vic tentatively rocked back against him, then Mac pulled out part way and slowly pushed back into the passage. Vic moaned again and pushed encouragingly back at Mac, who began moving a little faster and thrusting a little deeper.

The ex-thief felt his orgasm approaching all too soon, but he surrendered to it, reaching around Vic to bring him off at the same time. They came together, calling each other's names, and then lay limply twined about each other for a moment. Just as Vic started to feel uncomfortable, with Mac's weight atop him, Mac moved off of him. Vic rolled over after a few seconds to see Mac returning from the bathroom with a damp towel, which he used to clean them both up.

Vic moved long enough to get off of the messy duvet, which they'd never managed to get underneath, and slipped under the sheets, holding up the edge for Mac to join him. Vic lay on his back and Mac twined around him, resting his head on Vic's shoulder.

"I love you," Vic murmured as he succumbed to sleep.

"Love you, too," Mac answered just before he, too, drifted off.


Vic woke slowly, enjoying waking up with Mac in his arms. He eventually became aware that his lover was already awake. "How long have you been up?" he asked, smiling.

"Five, ten minutes," Mac answered. "You feel okay?"

Vic stretched languidly. "I ache is all the right places," he answered, grinning. "Shower?"

"Oh, yeah," Mac agreed, climbing out of the bed. "I assume you're joining me?"

"You assume correctly!" Vic replied, smacking Mac playfully on the ass on his way to the shower. Mac chuckled and followed his lover into the bathroom.

Near the end of their very long and thoroughly enjoyed shower, Vic heard the doorbell ring. He leaned out the bathroom door and yelled, "Just a minute!" Then he finished drying his hair and slipped on a robe, grinning as he batted Mac's mischievously teasing hands away. Peering through the peephole, he saw that it was Li Ann, so he let her in.

"So, Vic," she began before he could even get a word of greeting out, "how was your night?" Just then Mac emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist in the absence of a second robe. Unabashed, he walked up behind Vic and wrapped his arms about his lover, leaning down to nibble at an earlobe. "Pretty good, apparently," Li Ann said, chuckling at Vic's blush and looking not at all surprised.

"I hope it was better than 'pretty good'," Mac whispered to Vic.

"It was incredible," Vic said, overcoming his embarrassment. "Now why is it you don't seem at all surprised?" He reached behind himself and tugged Mac to his side before leading them to the couch where he and Mac sat down across from Li Ann, who claimed the chair.

"I was surprised yesterday," she confessed, "when Mac brought me the letter to see if it was your handwriting. I've had some adjustment time since then," and she smiled a little.

"You seem..." Vic trailed off leadingly.

"Happy for you? A little envious? Totally curious about how the Director is going to take this?" Li Ann finished. "All of the above."

"Uh oh," Mac said suddenly.

"What?" Vic asked.

"We didn't think about the Director last night. Which means not only does she know, she's probably got the whole night on tape and in living color," Mac said fatalistically.

"Well," Vic said after considering that for a moment, "at least we won't have to worry about keeping it a secret."

"Vic, you are terminally optimistic," Mac said jokingly. Vic smiled and shrugged, hearing the fondness underlying his lover's voice.

"Someone's got to combat your pessimism," he retorted.

Li Ann chuckled and leaned back in her chair, wondering why she'd been surprised these two had fallen in love. They were a perfect match.