Beware the OKEB

by Nix
(crimsonquills AT gmail DOT com)

"Master," Obi-Wan said as he read the return address on a message cube, "what is the OKEB?"

Qui-Gon's eyes widened in horror. "The OKEB? Obi- Wan, let me see that!" Obi-Wan handed over the seemingly harmless message cube. His Master pressed a button on the side of it and a hologram of a beautiful woman appeared.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. My name is Kalia. This is a message to inform you that I've created the Obi-Wan Kenobi Estrogen Brigade. We are small, but growing quickly! Thank you."

Qui-Gon was pale, and Obi-Wan could sense him restraining panic. "Obi-Wan, this is a disaster! I've heard of these Estrogen Brigades before. They are made up of mobs of insane, drooling women (and a few men) who go to unbelievable lengths to pursue the object of their affections! They hold a massive amount of power!"

Qui-Gon cut himself off, a speculative look coming into his eyes even as Obi-Wan's expression took on a dangerous glint. "Massive amount of power, hmmm?" the padawan said, grinning a little.

((Later, at OKEB headquarters))

A number of women (and one man) lounged on various couches, bean bag chair and the floor. Posters featuring and pictures of Obi-Wan cut from magazines (including the official poster magazine) were hung on the walls. Six copies of the Obi-Wan action figure were posed in different parts of the room, and there were two still in their boxes. A bookcase had the Phantom Menace novelization with the Obi-Wan dust jacket on prominent display, with stacks of magazines (uncut copies of the mags that had contributed to the walls) to either side. In the place of honor, on a pedestal in the center of the room, stood an advance copy of the Obi-Wan Kenobi doll (don't ask how they got it).

The sudden and explosive opening of the front door broke their quiet murmurs. The women (and man) gasped as Qui-Gon strode in, and were then frozen in delighted shock as Obi-Wan followed him.

"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I was hoping you would do a favor for me," Obi-Wan said, smiling charmingly and toying with his padawan braid.

((Later, at Skywalker Ranch))

George Lucas was sitting in his study reading when a harried secretary burst in. "Mr. Lucas! I tried to stop them, but there were just too many!"

As the secretary finished speaking, a pack of women (and a man) led by Kalia stormed into his study. "Mr. Lucas," one of them said, smiling with mock sweetness, "we've been informed that there are a few scenes missing from your film, and one very large mistake at the end..."